If you were planning a World Cup 2014 watch party for the Team U.S.A. vs. Belgium soccer match on Wednesday (1 p.m. on ESPN) involving waffles drizzled in chocolate, served with a side of trappist bottle-conditioned beer and roasted Brussels sprouts, you may want to rethink that menu.
THE 5 FOODS YOU CANNOT SERVE IF YOU’RE CHEERING FOR TEAM U.S.A.:
1. BELGIAN WAFFLES: That’s a no-brainer, right? Although, maybe you DO want to serve them, and then devour them like Tim Howard is going to devour anything the Belgians kick at him. Just be sure if you do serve them, serve them with raspberry and blueberry syrup, so you can be all red, white, and blue as you eat your opponent for lunch. And, for the food purists out there, we should note that the Belgians don’t eat Belgium waffles. They do enjoy a waffle, sometimes called a Brussels Waffle, but you can’t order a Belgium waffle there. It’s just a waffle. And it looks different than the American version named after the country. By the way—you can’t get them at Waffle House either, as they’re organizing a Belgian boycott.
We don’t believe in Belgium waffles
— Waffle House (@WaffleHouse) June 30, 2014
2. BELGIAN BEER: It’s amazing, it’s complex, it’s the caviar of beers. In fact, Belgium’s Trappist Westvleteren monastery’s beer is often ranked the best beer in the world—just don’t serve it during the game. Incidentally, Anheuser-Busch InBev is based in Belgium too where they really know beer, but try not to hold it against them after the game.
3. BRUSSELS SPROUTS: Everyone hates them anyway, right? Okay, they’re actually not bad when roasted with about 2 pounds of bacon, and maybe it would be fun to eat them as you watch #USA destroy #BEL. Just make sure you explain yourself to your party-goers. Or, never ever serve them again, and remind everyone who hates them that they, like the soccer team that is about to lose, all came from Belgium.
4. FRENCH FRIES WITH MAYONNAISE: Oh, never mind. There’s no chance in hell you would have served that anywhere any time anyway, right?
5. CHOCOLATE: Bonbons, filled chocolate nuggets, liquid-filled chocolates, whatever you call them, these guys made ‘em famous. Also hot chocolate. So, drink an American beer, and skip the hot cocoa until after the game.
When is the USA v. Belgium game? 1 p.m. Pacific Time, 4 p.m. Eastern on ESPN.